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CINDY
my curiosity for you eats into my sleep.





IN MY HEART I KEEP:

READ
Wednesday, February 14, 2007

"i really dont know how to deal with this situation...i wasnt ready to get into a relationship yet...i wasnt ready for a life with someone else...i dun wanna commit into anything yet..i din noe all my freedom wld be gone..i juz wasnt ready..truth us..i never wanted a relationship at all.."

//edit

Never love somebody more than yourself,
especially when they love thmemselves more.
(L) alphabet A
10:46 PM





Tuesday, February 13, 2007

It's funny how life makes a fool of you.
In times of needs,
times when you just need a listening ear or shoulder to lean on,
no one is around.

I've made alot of unintentional and rash and STUPID mistakes in life.
now i am full of regrets.
and i am sad that i'm judged by these mistakes i made..
and given sentence of death.

Why should i be defined by my mistakes and not the lesson i learn from them?

WHY?

I have voice out my thoughts to some friends...
though supportive and comforting..
but only yi can understand what i am going through.
yet,there are also a couple of "friends"
whom i tot they understood me choose not to be there..
betrayals, backstabs, look downs...
why?
shouln't they as my friend comfort me instead of telling
the whold world how devastated and pathetic i am?

I havent been having good night sleep for so many gazillion nights..
I wake up a couple of times each night thinking and crying..
Many times,
it's already morning before i can fall asleep.

Days and nights have slowed down so much without gary's pressence.
I've tuned to alcohol a few times to make myself sleep..
There're just too many things going through my mind
but..
nothing seems to matter anymore.
(i wasnt even really sad to get 18 for O.)

i have lost every sense in me.
i have given up hope.
nothing seems to make things better.
IT FUCKING HURTS!

I am really beyond depressed and sad.
I dont think i have the strength to hold on anymore..
Maybe i dont even have the right to complain now..
(L) alphabet A
5:47 PM