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my curiosity for you eats into my sleep.


Wednesday, February 14, 2007

"i really dont know how to deal with this situation...i wasnt ready to get into a relationship yet...i wasnt ready for a life with someone else...i dun wanna commit into anything yet..i din noe all my freedom wld be gone..i juz wasnt ready..truth us..i never wanted a relationship at all.."


Never love somebody more than yourself,
especially when they love thmemselves more.
(L) alphabet A
10:46 PM

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

It's funny how life makes a fool of you.
In times of needs,
times when you just need a listening ear or shoulder to lean on,
no one is around.

I've made alot of unintentional and rash and STUPID mistakes in life.
now i am full of regrets.
and i am sad that i'm judged by these mistakes i made..
and given sentence of death.

Why should i be defined by my mistakes and not the lesson i learn from them?


I have voice out my thoughts to some friends...
though supportive and comforting..
but only yi can understand what i am going through.
yet,there are also a couple of "friends"
whom i tot they understood me choose not to be there..
betrayals, backstabs, look downs...
shouln't they as my friend comfort me instead of telling
the whold world how devastated and pathetic i am?

I havent been having good night sleep for so many gazillion nights..
I wake up a couple of times each night thinking and crying..
Many times,
it's already morning before i can fall asleep.

Days and nights have slowed down so much without gary's pressence.
I've tuned to alcohol a few times to make myself sleep..
There're just too many things going through my mind
nothing seems to matter anymore.
(i wasnt even really sad to get 18 for O.)

i have lost every sense in me.
i have given up hope.
nothing seems to make things better.

I am really beyond depressed and sad.
I dont think i have the strength to hold on anymore..
Maybe i dont even have the right to complain now..
(L) alphabet A
5:47 PM