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CINDY
my curiosity for you eats into my sleep.





IN MY HEART I KEEP:

READ
Thursday, May 22, 2008

Don't feel well today.


I declare I'm mentally drained out. I woke up feeling giddyand a bad headache. Seems like a hangover. But I didn't even drink last night. Ate maggie me and went back to sleep. Sleeping seems like the sweetest escape from problems that I can't solve. I'm pretty emo today.




I know you let me go for my sake.
I know you're reluctant.
I know I've kinda let you down. I know it's hard on you.
I know I totally sucks at handling the situation.
I know you should be angry with me.
But I want you to know I'm sorry sorry sorry.
I ask for your forgiveness.
I wanna be the one to run to when you have problems still. I still can be your listening ear. I wanna go out with you occasionally still. I really want you as my good friend, close one.
Sigh. I doubt that is ever gonna happen.


I was waiting for you to come online.
And when you finally are, I didn't dare to talk to you.



I wanted to ask you out for dinner so that I could tell you exactly what happened.
But I just couldn't find courage.
My courage went in hide.

My heart starts aching when they tell me you left the classroom halfway through while I was talking to you. I have a fear in me. I don't have the courage to even meet you to explain, to talk. I know you need someone badly to hear you out now.
I'm sorry I'm not your pillar of support but the root to your sorrows.




Maybe I should just be left alone.
Maybe You should hate me.
Maybe it all doesn't matter anymore.


I deserve it.




Granny is sick too.

My uncle just sent her to the hospital. Dr. Tong says she need a check up and stuff. I'm worried but there is nothing I can do. This feeling of helpless-ness sucks badly. I just hope I can wake up tomorrow seeing her around at home. I'm pretty scared.



Why do shit happens to me all the time, all at a time, all together.
I'm starting to doubt if I am so strong to go through all this alone.
Too many at a time. Too many in a row.
I haven't even recover and I see the next one coming.





I can feel myself really feeling the falling.
I can even think of crap things like Saint is indeed a Saint. SinHui is indeed a Sinner.
Sometimes, I see myself just like a piece of shit. No one cares about shit. No one treasures shit. No one thinks of shit. Shit is useless other than being fertilisers. Even when they are fertilisers, people still think shit is smelly. Shit is just waste. Shit is dirty stuff.
Urrrrgh, fuck.
Saint always tell me to think positive. I should.
Where is that confident Cindy?





I need something sweet to happen in life.
Perhaps, I just need another hello kitty or just another lolli.
Maybe, cupcakes.






Tags Replies with


QingLing: I keep see QingLing best. Shy ;x
eeeeeeeeeeeee, I thought your skin as thick as erskine...ooops, I mean elephant.

shirlyn: u nid mi to make appointment for u to mit her?haha.no prob.i oso duno y i oni take ur photos.haha.hope u r ok alr.'alwax look on the bright side of life...du du du du du du du du...'haha
The reason is simple, becaue I'm too cute to resist. I will try to look on the bright side unless I'm looking at Siv. (walao, I'm very very lame now)
And you know why I wanna see your mum? So that zy can stop hao-lian-ing to me.

yan: u dun drive mi crazy! i m not emo!! no no no!... and hor... i dont know tat i nv fail to make u laugh sia... thks!
"Wo de neck hen yang"
I just think of your face, your witchy laughter, your lame jokes, your words I can laugh liao. I smiling in front of my screen now. You are so wei da so you cannot emo. Emo then no more fun.



Ciao



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6:18 PM