I damn wanna apply this to the sitiuation I'm stuck in now.

The structure of class peace can not be the word one person, or one party, one clinque... It must be a peace which rest on the cooperative effort of the whole class.

I'm not sure if we finally have peace, but I sincerely hope so. I still don't understand why a matter of 2 can end up to be so complicated. Please everyone, from now onwards, come and tell me straight anything that you ain't happy with me. It will be better this way. Save everyone's agony. I can't believe what I have done yesterday. It's something I don't think I'll never ever ever do. It's like against my own personality. But nevermind, I don't want to brood over it. Close case, it's over.

Now, I'm having a hard time thinking about what I want and what I should do. Damn, I am tired of going through these and this again and again. I am so frustrated now that I can type a post with only fuck. A fake smile can't last very long. Maybe I should try if smoking and drinking really solve complicated matters. Urrrgh. I mean what else can I do? I cried through the night but I still don't know what to do. I am really mentally and physically tired already. Where is the bubbly Cindy? Lost and not found. I hope he is fine. If he loves me I don't think he will let me go just like this. (I thought) I've done everything I can to save his agony and help him to be cheerful and not be so stressed up. I've really did all I can. Even something which I don't want to for him. But at the end of the day, both of us did not get any better but much worse. FUCK.

Lesson learnt, love is not a matter of 2. It is something much more complicated. I have seriously never thought it could be so hard.