Enough is enough.

Life is seriously too hard. I'm a souless body. Nobody will ever understand what is going on. To many, I am a cheerful person who always know how to take life with a pinch of salt. Rant, forgive and then forget. But life seriously isn't a bed of roses. Can anyone see what is underneath this fake smile of mine? I always tell myself that I'm very blessed compared to all those who are handicapped or whatever.
Now instead of this, all I can tell myself is I'm tired of living. And I mean it.
Slashing my wrist, sleeping pills, jumping down from 14th floor isn't as difficult as living my life isn't it? And eventually I came to realise why people choose to kill themselves. That is because they can't solve their problems already. You may say running away won't solve problems, but kiiling definitely is a great way to ease and stop the stabbing pain in the heart.

Look. As much as I wanna picture myself having a fulfilling happy life like many other girls out there. I came with a conclusion one can decieve others but not self. What if your parents hate you? They always say you are a moron and they just classify you as useless bad daughter. They never try to listen and understand your needs. They tell you to go and die and then call the police to arrest you. How many of you have gone through that?
Till this day, it's still my biggest nightmare. That fateful night. I may have told some of you like it's just another dispute and show that I couldn't care much about it but deep in me it does matters.
Am I suffering from depression?
I thought having someone who loves you is supposed to be a blessing also? Why is it not in my case? Why?
I thought to have a boyfriend is like a joy? Why is it not really so in my case? Where is my soulmate my best companion my significant other?
And, what is the meaning of friends forever?
I have seen too many "friends" come and go. Backstabs and hypocritical and many more. So what is true friendship? I'm not saying all my friends sucks. But it really hurts sometimes to see ugly truth. And I'm glad I do have caring and loving friends.

Problems after problems. Problems are never ending. They seems to be piling up each day without me noticing. And seems like I need forever to get rid of them all. And I belive almost everyone brings along problems to the coffin with them.

Sad to say I don't understand the purpose of life anymore. Who am I living for? For myself? What for when it is so miserable. Why can't I be happy and a mind free of problems just for a while. Just a while. Let me have the taste of joy and happiness so that I won't feel so bitter.

If I pray to God, I will pray to be with Him. Tell God to bring me home to be with him. I will pray that He grant me a peaceful death.

If only prayers work.
(L) alphabet A
3:00 PM